Captain Morgan Tiki Mango & Pineapple 25%

"Oh leak, er, varnish. You think you know what you're getting into here, but no. Smells like the break room at the Bauhaus, where tipped paint and a bag of white (pineapple) jelly babies meet. On the radiator. Sixth day on level 5, awful. Despite only 25% and lots of sugar, there is an impressive alcoholic sharpness on the table. Not much more than white gummy bears happens here. As a collabo with Haribo, this would be a big hit in the supermarket (don't try it, I've already sent an email to both). Surprisingly, it's really fun with soda (as recommended on the bottle) and 'works'. Better than a Disco Cuba Libre at any rate. Drop your personal integrity and it might even be fun. At least until the hangover the next day, because it's likely to be nasty."

"Doesn't even taste like rum"

"This is an example of the rubbish hitting the UK supermarkets that means rum shelves are multi coloured awful ... Dishwasher water"

"Das ist kein Rum, sondern Captains Version eines aromatisierten Alkohols. Er war so schlecht, dass wir eine ganze Flasche weggeworfen haben, nachdem wir ein paar Kurze probiert hatten."